Hard

Remember all those previous posts when I said Emily was such an easy baby.  Man am I glad for those easy 4 weeks because the last 2 weeks sure have been rough.  Granted, it's not all her fault.  But still, as much as I love her, she has not been the easiest baby to have around. 

Yes, something switched with our sweet Emily. Whether it is colic or just the peak of normal baby fussiness, she has been a challenge or a little high maintenance as I like to say. She no longer naps well during the day unless she is held. While I love snuggling her, it's simply not realistic to just sit on the couch with her all day, especially not on the days that I have Noah at home too. Her grumpiness in the evening has become more and more prolonged and more intense. Still only an hour on the worst night but still not fun. Plus I think she has a small cold--just some nasal congestion but with such a tiny little nose and nostrils it doesn't take much to interfere with her breathing and thus her sleeping. Sleep at night for the past week hasn't been as restful for any of us (expect Noah who thankfully sleeps through everything!). I'm so incredibly thankful that the last 2 nights have been a bit better. Oh and the 3 hour nap I was able to take on Sunday afternoon-AMAZING!

Life has been FULL the last couple of weeks.  We've had multiple medical appointments for varied reasons, school started for Mike which means preparing for and teaching 2 classes each week on top of his normal church schedule.  He also preached this past Sunday adding to his list of things to prepare for the week.  School started for me which means preparing for and teaching 1 class (thankfully just one for now!).  The preparing part of mine isn't super hard--it's just hard when it's done balancing a crying 5-6 week old that doesn't want to be put down and her rambunctious 3 year old brother who just wants to have some fun with Mommy.  I'm not even trying to keep a super clean house--just some laundry, dishes, and making sure everyone is fed but even those things are hard when balancing everything else.

So, I'm actually saying it outloud (or at least in print)--life is HARD right now.  Not as hard as it could be (it's all perspective) but it's certainly not easy.   And it's OK to say that.  A friend posted a link to this NPR blog and I think every parent (or person considering parenthood) should read it.  Parenthood Got You Down? You're Not Alone   We need to be honest with ourselves and say it's hard sometimes.  That doesn't make us a bad parent, just an honest one.  Being able to vent I think sometimes can make it feel just a little better--or at least take the edge off (wine helps take the edge off too!).  And it's good to know that other people think it's hard too.  Otherwise you just start questioning yourself as a parent.

So with that, my two pieces of advice to myself and any other parent out there:
1. Babies and young kids change so fast! This stage will be over before you know it.  Enjoy what you can in this moment and trust that new joys (and challenges) are just around the corner.
2. It's ok to say it's hard.  No one said it would be easy. Find someone you can be honest with and tell them how much you are struggling-then at least you won't feel so alone

The verses I've found comfort in lately:
Psalm 62:5-8 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my might rock, my refuge. Trus in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

This last week did also provide one especially high note:  a few smiles from Emily amidst all the crying.  The morning after she kept us up all night she gifted me with a giant toothless grin.  A real one.  While she was awake and looking at me (as opposed to the ones we'd seen before when she was busy filling her diaper or nodding off to sleep).  At that moment I'm not sure there was anything more beautiful to me.  We've only seen a few here and there since then but those sure make all the other junk a little easier to tolerate.  Keep 'em coming sweet girl (and feel free to stop all the crying too)!